I've had it with tour groups and people complaining. Half of what the tour guide says I don't understand and most of what he says is...

... Unwritten...

/
0 Comments
I've had it with tour groups and people complaining. Half of what the tour guide says I don't understand and most of what he says is frown upon by the rest of the group so today I've had enough and decided to get my earphones out and play "unwritten" non stop,play candy crush, and ignore whatever people are saying.

One thing that I love about myself is the fact that I am very capable of ignoring whatever is going on... If Piet, the tour guide, is saying something that I don't like I don't have to listen! I feel like I would be wasting my energy by reacting negatively to what he has to say! The same happens with some of my "friends" some people can't stand them (and at times I can't either) but I always try to find something positive about them that makes me like them. In this tour we have a lady that complains A LOT! at first I was a little annoyed but now I like her and find her fascinating and extremely hilarious! We all have our personality and I have learned that no matter what there is always one positive characteristic in every person and I would rather focus on that than being affected by what I don't like about them.

I try to remember this when it comes to me too. I am well aware of my personality and how people might not like me... I'm very bossy! I like things done my way, I'm extremely organized to the point that disorganized people might have a problem with me and I tend to think that my way is THE way. At times I try to control others and make sure that they are on track with whatever is due; at school all my assignments were done a week or so in advance and sometimes I found myself putting pressure on my friends to do the same. I didn't realize this until one of my friends became distant and I knew it was time for some self reflection and see how much of the distancing was my fault. Then I got it, I was putting the same kind of pressure I put into myself unto others. For years it has worked to be a perfectionist but it is (and was) unfair to put that same kind of pressure on my friends. 
I think I've evolved to be this perfectionist because for the last 10 years its been only me, alone trying to figure out how to survive without crashing... Nobody to rely on, I've felt like nobody has had my back and I needed to be strong and control everything because if I didn't it meant that I'm weak. It's not that I didn't have anybody, the issue was that I didn't feel comfortable on asking for help and putting pressure on my mom or my family or friends for my loneliness and for my decisions.

Looking back to the last 10 years sitting on a bus in the middle of south Africa I can't help but feel very proud of myself. Never ever in a million years would I have thought that the 18 year old who left el salvador and was crying desperately on her pillow lost in LAX with no knowledge of english would be where she is today. It's been a bumpy road to say the least! From immersing myself in a totally new culture and learning english in 5 months (i knew close to nothing... my last 2 years of high school my best friends took ALL the English tests for me! Lol), going to college, finding ways to survive and be independent, working under the table to pay for rent, school, travels etc. I have exceeded all expectations I ever had for that 18 year old who was supposed to be back home after 6 months! Getting a masters degree was something that never crossed my mind and that i probably thought i was not capable of doing. I know God/ the universe has sent many blessings to my life. I've encountered so many special people in the US, all the families that have opened their doors to me and let me be part of their families and most importantly they have allowed me to take care and raise their children! I'll be forever grateful for their love, flexibility and most importantly the trust they had in me to put in my hands their precious kids! The friendships I've been able to create had been God sent without a doubt! So thankful for all of them, the ones that have opened their doors and let me live with them for years, the ones that have offered rides to the airport, the ones that have provided a shoulder to cry on when I'm feeling down and those that have provided lots of good laughs . In the last 2 years I've been extremely blessed with wonderful colleagues and supervisors. I'm lucky to say the least!

I have no idea how I got here but I think it might have to do with replay number 300 of "unwritten"! I love this song to the point that if I'm home you will see me dancing arms up in the air and singing "reaching for something in the distance so close you can almost taste it release your inhibitions... FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN NOONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR YOU ONLY YOU CAN LET IT IN NO ONE ELSE NO ONE ELSE CAN SPEAK THE WORDS ON YOUR LIPS..."

I'm at a point that I have no idea what to do next... I feel like I have nothing to go back "home" to and my trip will end in 2 days and I have nothing figured out! I'm in the same predicament I was a week ago and it's getting old... The two Andreas talking to me, and the real Andrea being stuck with the perfectionist thinking that I should fight to stay in the US but at the same time feeling like my heart is not there anymore... (But maybe it will be once I go back) Maybe a year off by myself would be the right decision but then I can't come back to what I've called home for the last 10 years!

For now...I'll keep believing that this song is telling me something and that in the end everything will be okay! 
I should embrace the fact that I have nothing to go back home to, this is a rare opportunity that I have been give to start writing a new story, probably my new 10 year cycle:
 "Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten... I break tradition sometimes my tries are outside the lines, within conditions to not make mistakes but I can't live that way... No no... Staring at the blank page before you open up the dirty window LET THE SUN ILLUMINATE THE WORDS THAT YOU CAN'T FIND..."


You may also like

About Post Author

Morbi leo risus, porta ac consectetur ac, vestibulum at eros. Fusce dapibus, tellus ac cursus commodo, tortor mauris condimentum nibh, ut fermentum massa justo sit amet risus.

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.